Well, that bag has plagued me…I mean, traveled with me, through over 9 years of marriage, 6 apartments, 2 children, during which it has served me well. It has toothpaste stains whose chalky dust never quite goes away; it’s got stray band-aids and safety pins from the 20th century hiding in its numerous and well placed pockets.

But now, the time has come to replace my old dop bag with a shiny new, feminine “train case”. Even yosefblog agreed to this discretionary purchase, if only it would do away forever with what he affectionately calls “that nasty old bag”. Well, sir, I’ll have you know that it was a North Face bag back when North Face fleeces were just a gleam in the North Face’s eye. What’s that? It’s the North Face calling? It wants its bland but practical 90s vibe back? Uh, that must be a prank call because, seriously, it doesn’t.

Anyway, my new toiletry/makeup holder device is on its way; it’s in the mail. It’s got polka dots and also many fun and well placed pockets. I anticipate its arrival.

And yet, like the Velveteen Rabbit, or like Woody from Toy Story, I can hear my old bag calling to me. “I’ve been a good little gender neutral toiletry case, haven’t I? I kept all your little tubes and boxes and jars all safe and snug; I gently suspended your toothbrushes in my elasticized inner straps…”

“No, no! Stop with your Siren’s Song! You are a men’s dop bag! When I first started using you my idea of dressing up was wearing a vest and loafers! I thought wearing makeup meant putting on lip gloss instead of lip balm! I have to move on!”

So, anyone looking for a great North Face toiletry bag? First call gets dibs. It will be signed, of course.