Dina: Some guy was talking about my shoes at the store.

Me: Like, an adult or a kid?

Dina: Like, a grown man. More than a grown man. Like, a 40 year old.

Middle age man and woman in elevator laugh.

Dina: I don’t know. I’m not so good at telling ages. Like, how old do I look?

Me: Like…72?

More laughter as the middle aged couple realize they are our audience.

Dina: Mom!

Me: I’m not good at telling ages.

Dina scowls.

Me: Okay. Between 6 and 42, definitely.

More scowling (she’s playing the straight man).

The elevator reaches our floor. The audience is in hysterics. As we get off the elevator…

Dina: (sighing) Man, we are a funny family.

Basya: So that guy Ochocinco…he’s the one who changed his name so he could put that on the back of his jersey?

Me: Yup.

Basya: I’m glad a guy like that is on our team.

Me: Oh, that happens sometimes.

Dina: What would they say? “Why are you fighting?” “Uh, because it’s fun. But, uh, you shouldn’t do it to your friends.”

Me: laughing hysterically, unable to talk

Dina: (continuing) “Uh, it’s dinner time. Wash up.” “But it’s 1 AM.” “Uh…well, just…get out of here.” “Why are you naked?” “Um…uh…eee…GO EAT A SNACK!”

And so was born another sitcom writer…

Dina: You’d sacrifice yourself for me?

Me: Yeah, that’s what moms do.

Dina: Because I still have my whole life ahead of me…

Me: Sure. And because it’s my instinct to protect my young–

Dina: …and because I still need to grow up and fall in love and get married and have babies, and you’ve already done all that?

Me: (sarcastically) Right. So I’m useless to the universe now.

Now we are in the car, where Basya’s already sitting in her seat.

Basya: You’re not useless. You still need to raise us.

Me: So what age do you think you’d need to be where I’d be dispensable?

Basya: (thinks for a moment) Like, when I’m sixteen…because then I could drive, and I could get a job and support Dina.

Me: Great! So when you’re sixteen I’m going to run away and join the circus!

Basya: (tenderly) Mom! Just because we won’t need you around doesn’t mean we won’t want you around!

I couldn’t make this stuff up.

Also…scroll down, waaaaay down. I put a link to a new posterous blog I started for my comedy writing. Cuz, you know, I don’t want to throw off the AF branding (danger: you will start talking about yourself in terms of “brand” when your husband leaves his old business school books in the bathroom), but I want everyone who reads my heartwarming and charming and funny tales of motherhood to also be able to enjoy my other work.

It’s right there under “My Comedy Writing”. I’ll update it as frequently as the muse strikes.

Hope you enjoy.

ps: Today’s post is timely. You might want to make sure to read it before the holiday is over. If it’s after Christmas, you should still read it–North Pole policies affect us all.

You’re welcome.

Me: I don’t think she’ll be surprised at all. See (I go on imdb), both of them were nominated for Best Picture the year they were made. So critics agree with you: those are two of the best films ever made.

Bassie kisses me on the cheek. I think that means she’s pleased.

Highlights included:

*Dina taking a day off from camp to babysit her little cousin Finn. She took her hard earned $5 and…bought a Subway sandwich. She claims that it was a tastiest sandwich she’s ever eaten. Ahhh…isn’t the fruit of one’s labor always the sweetest? Even if that fruit is low-quality roast beef.

*A hike up the famous Great Blue Hill Trail. It was rough going,

but we made it to summit and back, a glorious achievement. Next hike: K2.

*Bowling Day was our last excursion. In two games, Bassie emerged the victor by 2 points, although it is worth noting that she did use bumpers, so my self esteem didn’t suffer too horribly at the loss.

Action Shot!

*Last Friday was our Farewell Day. We made scrapbooks of all of our memories and had a friendship circle where we shared our favorite times from camp. Luckily, we all swapped addresses and phone numbers so we can keep in touch during the school year.

I can honestly say that, going into this month, I was really nervous about whether I could keep up with entertaining and educational programming for four weeks, whether the girls would make it through a whole month with pretty much only each other and me as daily companions, whether the whole thing wouldn’t just peter out and end up in three weeks of Movie Days. But I have to say, this was one of the most fun experiences I’ve ever had, and such a wonderful and special time to have with the girls, especially because very soon they will not want to be seen with me in public. Sure we slept in until 10:30 when we meant to wake up at 9. Sure the girls had some knock-down-drag-out fights that may or may not have resulted in me turning around from the driver’s seat to tell them to “quit their bitching”, after which a discussion about whether I had just used a swear with them or whether the word, when used as a gerund, is merely slang and thereby not directly derisive (a debate that they’ll no doubt take up with their therapists at a later date). But, seriously, we had a great time. So great that Bassie thinks we should offer spots to other kids for Camp Klein 2011.

Gulp. Anyway, here’s some merch to tide you over until then.

Now the girls are in Chicago visiting Bubbie and Zaide and Gramma and Grampa (and soon Uncle Matt and Jazzy and Paul and Josie and Aunt Elisa and Uncle Pat and Uncle Mike). As I type, they are with Bubbie at Legoland. Don’t worry, I didn’t get left out. I chose to stay behind so that I could go to Tre Kroner for lunch. CINNAMON ROLLS! QUICHE! Honestly, I don’t recommend anyone go there unless he is prepared to forever have the IKEA cafeteria pale in comparison. Yosef, I am sorry I went there without you. But I am fully prepared to return for more quiche when you arrive next Friday.