accidental feminist

what’s that smell? August 29, 2008

“Ms. Palin praised the achievement of Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, who lost a long and bitter primary race against Senator Obama, saying that she had left “18 million cracks” in the highest glass ceiling in the land.

Then, making an explicit appeal to Ms. Clinton’s disappointed supporters, she said, “It turns out that the women in America aren’t finished yet, and we can shatter that glass ceiling.” (read whole article)

Wait, wait, no, I think I’ve got it…ooh, ooh. Um, it’s, like, a mix of pandering, subterfuge, and, what’s that high note in there? Wait, oh, yes, condescension. The most frightening thing is that there are probably more stubborn and stupid women than I’d like to think who will actually buy all this and love this woman**. I can just hear than thinking, “McCain’s old. He’ll probably die. And then, finally, there’ll be a woman in the White House (who doesn’t share any of my political views but so what because she’s so accomplished and put together)!”

**Uh, okay, here’s one of those women (click here if you want to see the whole “article” and the hilariously partisan “comments” on both sides):

“I was a strong supporter for Hillary Clinton. But after she was left out of the VP position for the Democratic party I have thought about voting for McCain With the nonination on Gov. Palin I definately am going to vote for McCain now. Any woman who can run a household of five children and a marriage and a governorship of any state deserves our votes. I think it is a stroke of genius. (I just wonder if Obama’s campaign wish they had nominated Hillary now). I hope McCain gets the votes of all those women , who like me, wanted a woman in the White House. Who can juggle a career and a family with an iron fist and still come home and look that good. (Bring home the bacon and fry it in the pan). You go Palin.

(Woman ) Democrate from South Carolina”

assortment of li’l bits August 26, 2008

Dina’s description of what it feels like to run in a nightmare: “I ran for you, but I couldn’t get to you. It was like running on, you know, that thing you do in the workout room?”

Bassie tooth update: top tooth number 2 is under the pillow. Hmm…I wonder what would happen if the tooth fairy stiffed her this time? Better not find out…

and, oh, what ’s up with the popularity of these intentionally retro gender-tomes? his and hers. Looks like somebody has a case of the “way we never were”s. Don’t get me wrong, I really don’t mind the idea of gender-specific knowledge (what guy ever needed to know which size tampon to use, you know?), but the whole style and marketing of these companions is a bit…cloying, is that to word I’m looking for? No, hm, maybe, uh, disingenuous? Wait, don’t tell me, I’ll think of it…

31…meh. August 20, 2008

Yeah, I know, I’m 31. Feels older than 30; like I can’t argue that I’m really still in my third decade, thus still in my 20’s unless you go by Chinese ages in which case I would have begun my 3rd decade and would therefore have been 31 for an entire year now.

31 is full-on “married with two kids” age; “feasibly as old as my doctor” age; thinking that “Seth Rogen is such a nice kid with a great future ahead of him” age. I am “the man”.

Feels okay? Yeah, feels okay…

expired/tired/wired* August 14, 2008

Jack Bauer/ Survivorman/ Bear Grylls

I am convinced that he is the culminating link in a chain of human evolution that splintered off just prior to the Bronze Age. His DNA should be kept frozen until Global Warming destroys civilization and we need a race of superhumans to rebuild it with nothing but jackknifes, parachute pants, and lots of strong, heavy jungle vines.

The only time I have seen him remotely fazed was when he admitted that he was “getting a little down” after a grueling week in mud-soaked, rain-soaked, croc-infested Sumatra; I lose it when I have to wait in line for over 30 minutes at the DMV. The man is a machine.

(And, by the way, I refuse to hear any ridiculousness about how his show is “not real” or something because he does a show that had to be produced and he’s not really in a real survival situation. Yeah, we know. There’s a camera guy with him, for God’s sake. You go try and do exactly what he does and let me know how fake it is…)

the anti-nudge July 31, 2008

As the great Charlton Heston once said: ” {You can take my IUD} out of my cold, dead {uterus}“.

thanks, yo! Your check’s in the mail…

freudian slips July 24, 2008

Yoblo sends me all the good links!

where’s joseph campbell when you need him? July 7, 2008

Because he’d really get a kick out of watching the girls deconstruct universal human myths then string them back together into a spontaneous narrative (I know, I know, my kids aren’t the first to have done this. But they’re the first one’s who have done this that came out of my womb, so back off!).

Note: This all takes place in and around the pool (yeah, the one in our building…whatever…), and what you see below is my best attempt to faithfully preserve the story, including all plot points and language, as it was presented to me:

Dina stands at pool’s edge watering the water plants. She has me float along inside a floating basketball net contraption, which I soon learn is the floating prison in which I have been imprisoned for 15 years. She, too, it seems, has been imprisoned, on this island. Bassie, it turns out, has been living on this same island, but far on the other side, because the great forces have kept them apart or horrible things would happen. What horrible things, I ask. Bassie explains that should she and Dina meet, Dina would transform into a man, with whom Bassie would feel instantly in love; but upon Dina’s retransformation back into a girl, Bassie would be so heartbroken that she would kill Dina on the spot. Bassie now has to enter into a series of water ballet-like moves to turn the forces of the universe against their nature so that Dina will not transform, setting into motion this horrible course of events. When Bassie finishes, I ask if she is a sorcerer. Oh no, is the reply, but her father was. He was killed by a man much like Darth Vader, but his name was Light Vader and his look was so piercing it would bore through you at a single point. Her mother, it seems, is living happily on a distant planet. If Bassie wants to see her, she can conjure up a bubble which will float in her hand, and present a shimmering image of her mother for her to see. She hasn’t the power to teleport herself back to her mother, and anyway, she has become accustomed to this small island, where she cares for the fish, and they, in turn, care for her, as much as they are able.

A hero on the brink of her call to adventure…

garmin hacks June 24, 2008

I do not know enough (read: anything) about programming to implement these, but they would be awesome, and yosefblog and I agree we would pay to download them*:
1. New York Cab Driver Garmin- deliberately misunderstands your destination request and then takes you the absolute longest route possible.
2. The A.I. Series- voices (and personalities) of Hal, Joshua, and Johnny 5, for starters. “The only way to get there is not to drive…”

If you could get these to me before my trip to Boston Friday morning, that would be great…

ira glass= every nerdy girl’s crush June 3, 2008

I’m sure Ira Glass finds it puzzling that his nasally little Jewish voice has inspired so many a swoon by intellectual uberdorks such as myself. Well, Stephen Colbert’s confused, too, but I guess you get used to it.

Anyway, here’s a gorgeous little piece from the guy who makes me, despite my better judgment, donate to chicago public radio when they bring him in to charm us at the very end of the pledge drive, pledge-fatigued as we are. “We don’t need your money, but you know you’re going to call, because you are a hard core npr listener. I mean, you’re listening to the pledge drive! Seriously!” Oh, Ira, you clever bastard!

thanks to yb for the link; you know me too well!

an ode to robert downey jr. May 13, 2008

I loved you in “Weird Science”*, even though I was supposed to hate you. I pined for you in “Less Than Zero“, even though I was supposed to pity you. I wanted you in “Two Girls and a Guy“, even though I knew I’d be the feisty but less hot brunette who ends up losing the battle for your affections. Like Jason Bateman, you have risen from the ashes of my first pre-teen, proto-sexual crush like a phoenix of pure charisma and spot on comedic timing. So hats off to you, Ironman. You’ll always be a superhero to me.

*What, no link to a picture? Isn’t this whole post just an excuse to link to pictures of your childhood crush? Alas, I can find none of RDJ as a blazer-sleeve-rolling, jelly-bracelet-wearing, pre-metro-sexual. But maybe you can make a computerized version of him on your IBM with your phone modem and he’ll come to life and teach you to be cool.