accidental feminist

oh she is good… September 3, 2008

I felt like I was hanging out with her in her living room, eating Oreos and ripping on an ex-boyfriend. Here’s my favorite bitch-slap(click on the “I have actual responsibilities” clip), said with just the right amount of sarcasm (video bonus- you also get to see Palin’s daughter rub down her baby brother’s head with her own spit).

Yeah! And he isn’t even that cute!

And her manicure looked great, too. Seriously, people notice, and it’s really hard to strike the balance between man-hands and feminine ones. Hillary didn’t even try. So I applaud you, Sarah Palin, on you immaculate cuticles and unobtrusive “Revlon Sheer Nude” colored nails. Huzzah!

Okay, I think we’ve reached our palin-saturation point. Back to something cute Bassie says about her first day of school (tomorrow) for next post.

palin-phanalia September 1, 2008

ask and ye shall receive. thanks, mikey!

apparently we’re not the only ones who noticed

Blerg.

p.s. this is going to be a fun two months…

but who’s listening? August 29, 2008

As I was leaving the workout room tonight, I offered the remote to the very nice man who was on the elliptical.

“Sure, why not?” he replied. “Gonna watch the next female Vice-President of America.”

I smiled. “Oh, yeah, I bet that’s all they’re covering today.”

But the remote was not working too well from his angle, so I offered to do it for him.

“Um, what do you want, like, CNN or something?” Now, I grant you that I did not do a very good job connecting the dots between his first statement and his cable news choice, but, honestly, I’ll watch any pundits when I’m working out, because for me it’s just about the showmanship and the meta-text of the absurdity of what the media has become in this country. So to me it’s all the same. To him, it was not.

“How about FOX?!” he cried not without a hint of indignation.

“Oh, right, sure,” I giggled nervously, then spent 5 minutes going up and down the channels looking for it.

Now, this story could be about my inability to pick up social cues, or my unhealthy love for television punditry, but to me, it’s actually about something pretty serious. This guy, who is clearly already voting for John McCain, was appalled by the suggestion that he watch CNN. I was shocked by his preference for a news station so ridiculously biased toward what is already his disposition. I mean, with so many cable news networks and radio talk shows out there pandering to various political views in the guise of being actual “news” sources, people with strongly polarized views have the option of not only tuning out the stations that don’t tell them what they already believe, but actually looking down on those stations as inferior news sources, while upholding their pet station as the authoritative source. This not only makes the viewer feel better about the beliefs he already holds, but discourages him from considering that roughly half of our population believes otherwise, and in neither case could it possibly be that everyone in the half you’re tuning out is a) crazy or b) an idiot.

Another point along these lines. Many people have misconceptions about Barack Obama. Not a few still think he is Muslim, or that he was not born in the United States (which, if any of you people took your Constitution tests, you would know is impossible, and which also has Alexander Hamilton clawing his way out of his grave shouting the refrain “Me first, then!”). Pundits said that the Convention needed to “reintroduce” him to the American people, and show that he was just as much “substance” as “style”. But the people at the convention are already voting for him. And the people watching it on tv are either already voting for him or looking for yet another reason to hate him, which the post-mordem on FOX I’m sure supplied. I wouldn’t know, I was watching CNN.

But, then again, I also already know who I’m voting for.

what’s that smell?

“Ms. Palin praised the achievement of Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, who lost a long and bitter primary race against Senator Obama, saying that she had left “18 million cracks” in the highest glass ceiling in the land.

Then, making an explicit appeal to Ms. Clinton’s disappointed supporters, she said, “It turns out that the women in America aren’t finished yet, and we can shatter that glass ceiling.” (read whole article)

Wait, wait, no, I think I’ve got it…ooh, ooh. Um, it’s, like, a mix of pandering, subterfuge, and, what’s that high note in there? Wait, oh, yes, condescension. The most frightening thing is that there are probably more stubborn and stupid women than I’d like to think who will actually buy all this and love this woman**. I can just hear than thinking, “McCain’s old. He’ll probably die. And then, finally, there’ll be a woman in the White House (who doesn’t share any of my political views but so what because she’s so accomplished and put together)!”

**Uh, okay, here’s one of those women (click here if you want to see the whole “article” and the hilariously partisan “comments” on both sides):

“I was a strong supporter for Hillary Clinton. But after she was left out of the VP position for the Democratic party I have thought about voting for McCain With the nonination on Gov. Palin I definately am going to vote for McCain now. Any woman who can run a household of five children and a marriage and a governorship of any state deserves our votes. I think it is a stroke of genius. (I just wonder if Obama’s campaign wish they had nominated Hillary now). I hope McCain gets the votes of all those women , who like me, wanted a woman in the White House. Who can juggle a career and a family with an iron fist and still come home and look that good. (Bring home the bacon and fry it in the pan). You go Palin.

(Woman ) Democrate from South Carolina”

assortment of li’l bits August 26, 2008

Dina’s description of what it feels like to run in a nightmare: “I ran for you, but I couldn’t get to you. It was like running on, you know, that thing you do in the workout room?”

Bassie tooth update: top tooth number 2 is under the pillow. Hmm…I wonder what would happen if the tooth fairy stiffed her this time? Better not find out…

and, oh, what ’s up with the popularity of these intentionally retro gender-tomes? his and hers. Looks like somebody has a case of the “way we never were”s. Don’t get me wrong, I really don’t mind the idea of gender-specific knowledge (what guy ever needed to know which size tampon to use, you know?), but the whole style and marketing of these companions is a bit…cloying, is that to word I’m looking for? No, hm, maybe, uh, disingenuous? Wait, don’t tell me, I’ll think of it…

31…meh. August 20, 2008

Yeah, I know, I’m 31. Feels older than 30; like I can’t argue that I’m really still in my third decade, thus still in my 20’s unless you go by Chinese ages in which case I would have begun my 3rd decade and would therefore have been 31 for an entire year now.

31 is full-on “married with two kids” age; “feasibly as old as my doctor” age; thinking that “Seth Rogen is such a nice kid with a great future ahead of him” age. I am “the man”.

Feels okay? Yeah, feels okay…

expired/tired/wired* August 14, 2008

Jack Bauer/ Survivorman/ Bear Grylls

I am convinced that he is the culminating link in a chain of human evolution that splintered off just prior to the Bronze Age. His DNA should be kept frozen until Global Warming destroys civilization and we need a race of superhumans to rebuild it with nothing but jackknifes, parachute pants, and lots of strong, heavy jungle vines.

The only time I have seen him remotely fazed was when he admitted that he was “getting a little down” after a grueling week in mud-soaked, rain-soaked, croc-infested Sumatra; I lose it when I have to wait in line for over 30 minutes at the DMV. The man is a machine.

(And, by the way, I refuse to hear any ridiculousness about how his show is “not real” or something because he does a show that had to be produced and he’s not really in a real survival situation. Yeah, we know. There’s a camera guy with him, for God’s sake. You go try and do exactly what he does and let me know how fake it is…)

the anti-nudge July 31, 2008

As the great Charlton Heston once said: ” {You can take my IUD} out of my cold, dead {uterus}“.

thanks, yo! Your check’s in the mail…

freudian slips July 24, 2008

Yoblo sends me all the good links!

where’s joseph campbell when you need him? July 7, 2008

Because he’d really get a kick out of watching the girls deconstruct universal human myths then string them back together into a spontaneous narrative (I know, I know, my kids aren’t the first to have done this. But they’re the first one’s who have done this that came out of my womb, so back off!).

Note: This all takes place in and around the pool (yeah, the one in our building…whatever…), and what you see below is my best attempt to faithfully preserve the story, including all plot points and language, as it was presented to me:

Dina stands at pool’s edge watering the water plants. She has me float along inside a floating basketball net contraption, which I soon learn is the floating prison in which I have been imprisoned for 15 years. She, too, it seems, has been imprisoned, on this island. Bassie, it turns out, has been living on this same island, but far on the other side, because the great forces have kept them apart or horrible things would happen. What horrible things, I ask. Bassie explains that should she and Dina meet, Dina would transform into a man, with whom Bassie would feel instantly in love; but upon Dina’s retransformation back into a girl, Bassie would be so heartbroken that she would kill Dina on the spot. Bassie now has to enter into a series of water ballet-like moves to turn the forces of the universe against their nature so that Dina will not transform, setting into motion this horrible course of events. When Bassie finishes, I ask if she is a sorcerer. Oh no, is the reply, but her father was. He was killed by a man much like Darth Vader, but his name was Light Vader and his look was so piercing it would bore through you at a single point. Her mother, it seems, is living happily on a distant planet. If Bassie wants to see her, she can conjure up a bubble which will float in her hand, and present a shimmering image of her mother for her to see. She hasn’t the power to teleport herself back to her mother, and anyway, she has become accustomed to this small island, where she cares for the fish, and they, in turn, care for her, as much as they are able.

A hero on the brink of her call to adventure…