accidental feminist » reviews

high concepts

Rachel — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 13:49:01 +0000

Me: So, did you think Jaws was a good movie? (Yes, we showed the girls Jaws last night. No, Bassie did not have a nightmare about man-eating sharks like she claimed she would. Phew!)

Bassie: Yes.

Me: As good as Star Wars?

Bassie: Yes.

Me: As good as 2001: A Space Odyssey?

Bassie: Yes.

Me: As good as Lawrence of Arabia?

Bassie: (pauses) Well…

Me: I guess they’re really different kinds of movies, huh?

Bassie: Y:es, because in Jaws land is mostly scarce, but in Lawrence of Arabia water is mostly scarce.

Me: You just blew my mind.

Bassie: (dismissively) Yeah yeah…

bonnie and clyde vs. pineapple express

Rachel — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 11:42:45 +0000

In perhaps one of our more inspired double features to date, yoblo and I watched these two in a consecutive evening/morning combination. Reflections:

* Faye Dunaway is seriously hot, and knows how to wield both a gun and an chess piece.

* Both films do a nice job of mocking the Hollywood myths of crime movies, or, in the case of B+C, our own romantic myths about famous criminals. The first bank Clyde tries to rob to impress Bonnie has defaulted: there’s no money to be found. And, in what may be the most inspired moment of Pineapple Express, James Franco’s character Sol tries to kick out the windshield of a car only to get his foot stuck in the hole he creates in the glass.

* Seth Rogen must ALWAYS be high, because he is supposedly high during this entire film, and he acts no differently than he always does.

* Sorry, Hilary, but I agree with Faye: you don’t have the gravitas to pull off this role. Good luck and everything, though!

Requisite oscar nominations response

Rachel — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 18:04:50 +0000

Having seen none of the films nominated for best picture, I think I am the most objective person to speak on the subject. Pitt and jolie should get best actor/actress, thereby bringing the rapture. Rdj should get best supporting but accept the award as Heath ledger via method acting. Kate winslet should win the “so awesome it’s embarassing for her to have to even compete” award, while meryl Streep wins the “I could literally take a two hour dump on camera and be nominated” award (an aside: she really was great in “doubt”), then we all age backward and turn into fetuses who stage a bollywood production number before we revert to our pre-fertilized state. Ps: where the hell are speilberg and tom hanks in all this?

roman holiday = eat it, anne hathaway!

Rachel — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 05:24:56 +0000

I’d seen “Roman Holiday” before, in my “I date a guy who only watches black and white movies and listens to opera CDs even though he’s never been to the opera” days. It was charming then (the film, not my relationship), and I knew the girls would love it. After the compulsory griping (“Is the whole thing in black and white? Why can’t we watch ‘Shrek the Third’?!”), Audrey Hepburn appeared. And there was “ooh”ing and “ah”ing and “she’s soooo pretty”ing.

What I had forgotten is just how sad the ending is, precisely because, in that wonderful way the 50′s had of bottling up its emotions and leaving them for the 60′s to deal with, everyone is sad about how things have to turn out, but nevertheless resigned that nothing can be done about it. Nowadays, princes and princesses seem to be able to date whoever the hell they want (thanks, Princess Di, for loosening that jar), and, in fact, I can think of several relatively recent movies where the princess “marries down” for love (okay, the two that come to mind are both cartoons, but my point, I believe, is still valid).

At any rate, it’s not like she and Gregory Peck were, like, soul mates or anything. But there were sparks, and if they were in “normal” circumstances, they would have been pursued. Plus, only a total gentleman takes a Quaalude-ed up girl back to his apartment for the night and doesn’t take advantage of her. Don’t let that one get away, Smitty!

a colbert christmas = genius!

Rachel — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 00:09:24 +0000

Really, the whole thing was pretty amazing, but the more I think about it, the more I think this was the best-executed of the lot.

Of course, the yidden will love this gem.

Nice to see Colbert getting back to his singing and dancing roots.

HSM3=a bit sexy for the tweens, no?

Rachel — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 02:37:43 +0000

No, I mean, seriously: the multiple gratuitous shots of zac efron’s muscly, colt-like back, or sinewy arms. Or the overt sexual innuendos (“that may be the best strawberry in the entire world, but you wouldn’t know because you won’t try it” (um, btw, that sounds like the beginning of a perfect “yes ladder” to me; one that ends w/ Vanessa on her back in the grass with her little “wildcat”– p.s. why does she call him that as a pet name? also a bit kinky…) to which V. Hudge responds by biting into said strawberry and “ooh”ing over it’s lusciousness. There were at least three scenes that could have been transplanted into a cheezy, soft-core movie (and legally, too, b/c the whole cast is of age now).

That cynically said, Zac Efron can seriously dance. His solo number in this one is even better than “Bet On It”, and is practically a trailer for his upcoming star turn in the pre-production, Kenny Ortega directed “Footloose” remake (yes, really). The only thing he forgot to do was a high bar routine (seriously, 2:30; check it out).

Oh, and Ashley Tisdale wishes she’d kept her old nose. I mean, she probably doesn’t, but she’s so boring looking now. She sort of looks like Hilary Duff on a weird day where she sort of looks like Ashley Tisdale with a nose job.

Lawrence of Arabia = Fun for the Whole Family

Rachel — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 16:29:59 +0000

The girls stayed up until the intermission last night (12:30). They’re watching the second half now.Their favorite part: Lawrence losing his compass and watching his servant die in quicksand. I think it reminds them of “The Princess Bride”.

My favorite part: Alec Guinness. He gets all the good lines; and he looks good in robes. My favorite: “For him mercy is a passion; for me it is good manners. You decide which is more reliable.” Nice.

(Although, to Anthony Quinn’s credit, “Give thanks to God that when he made you a fool he gave you a fool’s face” is quite possibly the greatest “neg” ever.)

I also think it was a wonderful choice to cast “Europeans” as the two main Arab tribal leaders, further blurring the lines between “Westerner” and “Arab”. Of course, casting fay, bleach-blonde, pasty Peter O’Toole is a nice contrast to Guinness and Quinn. And, of course, he ends up being the most stereotypically “Arab” of them all. I’m sure that’s an insight that has never been made in the thousands of reviews of this movie since 1962.

enchanted= maybe i don’t hate everything

Rachel — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 21:57:48 +0000

I have to admit it, despite my gag-reflex at the thought of Disney trying to be meta, some of this movie actually worked. Here’s a breakdown:

Worked-
* Amy Adams got that Disney princess movement and voice down “freaky-good”, y’all.
* “Working Song” and “How Does She Know That You Love Her” work way better in the actual movie than on stage at the Oscars. Oh, I get it! Because New York is streotypically dirty and the people are stereotypically misanthropic, so it’s ironic! Sure, sure.
* Susan Sarandon- Bassie says she has a beautiful voice, and wants to see other Susan Sarandon films now. Hmmm…shall it be “Rocky Horror” or “Dead Man Walking”?

Didn’t Work-
* Most of the plot
* Most of the dialogue
* That stupid chipmunk

All in all worth the expense, considering Dina got it as a gift. (At least it’s not this)

“laura linney is a revelation”

Rachel — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 15:08:41 +0000

I put that in quotes because I’m just assuming that more than one critic has used it to describe her current stint as Abigail Adams in the HBO mini-series named for the aforementioned’s husband. She makes the tiniest facial tick explode with emotion on my crystal clear Panasonic HDTV (although I don’t think I have quite the level of readership that would allow me to actually make money from Panasonic with that plug…).

It’s inspiring to see two equally strong people in such a seemingly mutually supportive relationship. Obviously they had their issues, too, but that makes it all the more touching to watch them work through such difficulties and remain together (and by “such difficulties” I mean primarily “A recently widowed and totally hot Thomas Jefferson hanging around their home in Paris and obviously having a little thing for Abby”).

I can’t wait to watch last night’s episode later this week. I’m really hoping that my big Founding Father crush, Alexander Hamilton, makes an appearance. Yum!

george clooney weekend!

Rachel — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 14:25:52 +0000

Last weekend yosefblog and I happened to have two Clooney films come up in our cue (and our mailbox) at the same time. This Synergeorgey led to a weekend of salt ‘n pepper hair and understated smooth. Michael Clayton was actually a surprisingly simple film, given that it was sort of a thriller-ish sort of movie. And Tilda totally deserved the Oscar on that one; unlike Michael Clooney-Clayton, who will, upon seeing the car that should have killed him blow up, run straight up to it and throw all of his electronics in it in order to fake his death, thereby buying the time necessary to devise the perfect payback to screw the evil fertilizer conglomerate, Tilda’s character will fall to the ground, stricken by her own crippling guilt and fear, while Clooney coolly swaggers away in victory. It’s the ultimate commentary not only on the abuse of power, but on the difference between the way that women and men handle that power. Is it a coincidence that the phrase Clooney uses to indicate to Swinton that she has lost the game of brinkmanship is “You’re so fucked”? Hmmm…probably coincidence, but still…

And then there was “Ocean’s Thirteen”. Mexican factory strikes. Love potions. Prosthetic noses. Men being men; gotta love it. “Remember that thing with that guy in that place?” Yup.