Why is it totally social acceptable, even preferred, to walk down the street in Brookline with a Starbucks in your hand, but would be totally sketch for me to walk down the street with a Cherry Zero can? As I consider taking the can with me to Coolidge Corner (I could really use some caffeine right now, but just shouldn’t, on principle, dish out the $3.52 for a Grande Non-fat Latte for the fifth day in a row), I imagine mothers, upon seeing me approach, pulling their young children in close: “Don’t go near the homeless lady, kids. She’ll steal your North Face.”
But I am too clever for you, people of Brookline. Because I have a plan. Ah, little will you suspect that the brown, bubbly liquid that gurgles inside my sparkly blue plastic reusable Starbucks travel thermos is, in fact, poor man’s caffeine.
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