accidental feminist

this post sponsored by jcrew September 24, 2008

The other day, over matzo ball soup at Zaftig’s, I inadvertently stumbled into a game with Bassie while trying to explain corporate sponsorship of ballparks:

Me: You know, like, Wrigley Field, that’s owned by the company that makes Juicy Fruit. They sponsor the field so their name’s on it.

Bassie: So who sponsor’s them?

Me: What?

Bassie: Who sponsor’s Wrigley?

Okay, I’ll bite…

Me: Uh, Sports Illustrated?

Bassie: And who sponsors them?

Me: Uh, Gilette?

Bassie: And who sponsor’s them?

I pause and, I guess, look at her incredulously.

Bassie: In the alternate universal where everything has a sponsor, who sponsors Gilette?

Me: Uh, Jewel-Osco?

Bassie: And who sponsors them?

Me: Wal-mart.

Bassie: And who sponsors Wal-Mart.

Me: Hell.*

You knew that’s where this had to be heading.

Bassie: Okay, who sponsors H-E-L-L?

Me: Wal-mart. It’s a mutual sponsorship.

Look, I had to end it somehow.

*To be fair, there were actually several rounds of this, not all of which ended so neatly; one involved the sponsorship of Fenway Park by Disney, which was in turn sponsored by Converse. Then I got stuck.

Now you try. One suggestion: start small; these tiered sponsorships build faster than that crazy Nintendo game where you roll stuff up into a ball and you start with little cookies and then move to furniture and then houses, and somehow you end up with a ball full of planets. What’s that game called? Damn it, this is killing me!

you catch more flies with foam September 18, 2008

I had a revelation today, at the Starbucks in Coolidge Corner. The barista made a particularly well-crafted latte. Clearly not from some pre-heated, half-hour old milk in a pitcher. This stuff was freshly foamed. It was creamy; it had heft; you could draw a maple leaf or a heart or something in it. Now, this is what I expect from a latte, and I don’t think you should be rewarded for making it correctly. But, you know what, sometime, just sometimes, I take off my misanthropic little beanie of judgment and don the feathered fedora of goodwill. So I stopped and turned back to the barista: “Did you make this?” “Yes,” she replied nervously. “Because this is a great latte. The foam is excellent. I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it is, and I just wanted you to know that you did a great job”. And who doesn’t like to be told they do their job well? And who wouldn’t want to continue to perform well after a compliment like that? (No, seriously, yosefblog, what’s the research on that?) So all y’all who get a good latte at the Coolidge Corner Starbucks from now on, you just might have me to thank.

wanted: frequent flyer miles September 17, 2008

Dina has decided that each time she masters a new language, she gets to go to the language’s country of origin as a reward. Really, this is because she wants to justify going to India to buy a hot pink sari and ride on an elephant, but as it stands right now, she’ll be earning trips to at least China and Israel in the near future. Can’t I just take her to Cermak and Wentworth, and the mall kiosk where they sell Dead Sea Mineral Body Lotion?

“so this guy walks into a talent agent’s office…” September 16, 2008

Actually get to tell “The Aristocrats” to an unsuspecting friend at a bar: check.

(Here’s what many argue was the best telling of it they ever heard; by Gilbert Godfried, at the roast of Hugh Hefner, two weeks after September 11th. WARNING- DO NOT CLICK ON THE ABOVE LINK IF YOU ARE FAINT OF HEART; IT IS DIRTY, DIRTY, DIRTY.)

Indeed, Godfried’s telling of it was what inspired me to tell it when my friend said, “Man, September 11th; I guess it’s hard for anything to be funny today…”

Bonus:here’s a journalistic justification for it.

What has two thumbs and is creepily and obsessively collected by grown-women who can no longer justify keeping their American Girl collection? September 9, 2008

This gal!

(Enthralled? The creepiness continues here.)

p.s.- I’d put my money on the BJD in a cat-fight with a Bratz any day. Um, youtube, can you make that a reality, please…now? Okay, that’ll do for now.

bassie-son

You are ready for rice, now, grasshopper…

…and Mommy is ready to post countless videos of your precious behavior on youtube.

first day of school September 8, 2008

Bassie: Another girl propositioned her to best-friendship (”Hi, I’m Lilly. Wanna be best friends?”) and the boys made fun of her for having a name that is really close to the word “Bossy” (her take: “Why are they making fun of me?! There’s a girl named Skyla…and Satchel! Those are weird names!?”) Point taken, Bassie.

Dina: According to her teacher, she was ” excited to eat in the cafeteria..I can’t wait. And we are going to sit in those little booths and everything!” It is a pretty sweet cafeteria.

Another transition braved. Huzzah!

oh she is good… September 3, 2008

I felt like I was hanging out with her in her living room, eating Oreos and ripping on an ex-boyfriend. Here’s my favorite bitch-slap(click on the “I have actual responsibilities” clip), said with just the right amount of sarcasm (video bonus- you also get to see Palin’s daughter rub down her baby brother’s head with her own spit).

Yeah! And he isn’t even that cute!

And her manicure looked great, too. Seriously, people notice, and it’s really hard to strike the balance between man-hands and feminine ones. Hillary didn’t even try. So I applaud you, Sarah Palin, on you immaculate cuticles and unobtrusive “Revlon Sheer Nude” colored nails. Huzzah!

Okay, I think we’ve reached our palin-saturation point. Back to something cute Bassie says about her first day of school (tomorrow) for next post.

palin-phanalia September 1, 2008

ask and ye shall receive. thanks, mikey!

apparently we’re not the only ones who noticed

Blerg.

p.s. this is going to be a fun two months…