accidental feminist

Lady at the table next to me: (to waitress) We’ll have bottled water.

Waitress: Okay.

LATTNTM: No fancy glasses or anything. These (picking up perfectly nice glass on table) will be fine (ed.- why wouldn’t it be?). Just…bottled. You know, any brand is fine. Just…bottled.

Waitress: Sure.

Husband of LAATNTM walks up and sits down.

LATTNTM: I ordered bottled water.

Pause.

LATTNTM: I should have said “not sparkling”. Oh well.

Pause. Man comes to put bread on the table.

LATTNTM: (to random bread guy who has nothing to do with her order) I ordered bottled water. (Pause) I don’t want sparkling. (Pause) Just bottled. In these glasses (picking up glass again) is fine. But not sparkling.

Bread Man: (confused) Okay. (starts to walk away).

LATTNTM: Any brand is fine.

A few minutes go by.

LATTNTM: (to her husband) I should have said ice cold, but, oh well.

The water arrives. It’s some Italian brand I’ve never heard of. She eyes the label suspiciously, but says nothing.

LATTNTM: It’s ridiculous really. I mean, she can’t find her way there on the subway? College kids today are so coddled, they can’t do anything for themselves…and your brother just encourages it.

Ah, yes, nothing is good enough for you, LATTNTM. No one is good enough for you, LATTNTM. And yet, every time you order your precious bottled water you are using up precious resources to package and ship across the country what is, for all purposes, tap water, no better than the stuff the young man pours into my glass so diligently each time he sees it depleted. Read it and weep, LATTNTM. Any tears will do. And you can just put them in this glass (I hold up my empty water glass to catch her crocodile tears).