accidental feminist

feminism usurped April 29, 2006

This is what happens when the men get their hands on the whole “women have just as much a right to their sexuality as men” concept that was the gift of First Wave Feminism. Does tihs girl realize that she’s advertising herself as a glorified whore? “It’s totally cool to burp. I wish I knew how to do it better.” That’s my favorite. Yeah, guys, don’t try to be anything but the beer-guzzling, woman-objectifying, disgusting slobs that you are; We’ll still have sex with you, because that’s our choice!

Have I told you how much I love Maxim yet?

BTW- I have also discovered from Maxim that “hotness” is not linked to “beauty”. I don’t know if you can get a good look at this girl’s face, but, I’m sorry, she is not beautiful, though she may have a good body. I just think if they’re building a whole ad campaign around her being so out of anyone’s league, they could have dished out a little more cash and gotten someone whose last modeling gig wasn’t for J.C.Penny. Now you might be thinking: what right do you have to judge her looks, soccer mom? Hey, look, she’s public domain. Of course, so am I…but I never claimed to be a “Game Killer” either. Moral: a hot bod can make up for an average face, but a drop dead gorgeous face on a size 12 flies under the radar.

didn’t dovid and jono already do this sketch? April 28, 2006

Another of my infamous “previews”, but with Jeremy Piven in a starring role, how can it be anything short of pissing-in-your-underwear funny?

And if you haven’t seen “Entourage” yet, run, don’t walk, to your nearest Netflix homepage. Piven is a comic genius! “You wanna hug it out?” With you, Jeremy, any day!

buying their love…and pants April 24, 2006

I was browsing ebay for some used size 4T summer clothes for the girls when I ran across this item. Note the description of item #12. Now, either this family’s last name is “dads”, or there’s just one more divorced couple out there being so petty as to label their toddler’s clothing in order to ensure that their ex doesn’t get the upper hand in the clothing department. “Um, I’m pretty sure I got her those Ralph Lauren boot cut jeans you have hanging in the closet.” “No, no, you got her the knock-off pair from Target. Daddy would never make you wear Xihilaration, isn’t that right honey?”

yeah, thanks, I know… April 18, 2006

Bassie: Mommy, you’re a little bit fat.

Me: What?!

Bassie: Look at your tummy.

Me: Oh, yeah, that. That’s what happens to Mommy every month when her body thinks Mommy might have a baby. Then it goes away.

Bassie: That’s funny.

Yeah, just wait until you’re five pounds bloated for two weeks every month, and 350 pound women at the UPS pick-up site ask you when you’re expecting, then when you tell them you’re just PMS, they get embarassed and start telling you about their menopausal hot flashes.

True story.

kill bill vol. 2 = a lovely must see for all expectant young mothers April 16, 2006

Ah, so in the second one is where all of the philosophical musings on motherhood come out. It’s a great premise to use a trained killer as an example of how a woman’s priorities change once she is a mother. For most of us, the stakes may not be quite that high, but you might stop swearing, or smoking pot, or letting your mannerless friends hang out at your house; you may give up on a youthful pipe dream to be this or that, or all of the sudden be awestruck by the sense of responsibility that this new life brings (For me, that moment actually came most difinitively tonight when I opened my mail from my daughters’ Jewish day school with an itemized list of tuition and fees on it. Do you know how many trips to the French Riviera I could take on that kind of cash?).

Your heart breaks for the little four year old whose been raised by a heartless assassin. And, of course, I felt a kinship with her when she asked to watch “Shogun Assassins”. My favorite movies as a four year old child? “Circle of Iron”. And BTW, how shocked was I to just realize that David Carradine plays the wise master in that one, too? What is he, like, 107 years old?

Life’s strange growing up with a big brother who actually “gets” where Tarantino is coming from…

PSA

The thought of Welsh Mormons was one part confusing and two parts scary…until this amazing display of knitting prowess.

http://www.sltrib.com/ci_3713118

found poetry from the mouths of babes

“Remember: you’ll never think of anything sweeter than a table.”

-Bassie

passover cleaning clarification April 12, 2006

Bassie: the house isn’t clean.

Dina: Yes, it is.

Bassie: No, it’s not.

Dina: Yes it is clean.

Bassie: Stop saying that. The kitchen isn’t clean.

Dina: Yeah, the house is clean, just not the kitchen.

Bassie: But that means that the house isn’t clean.

Dina: Yes: the kitchen is dirty; the rest of the house is clean.

Bassie: Mommy, Dina’s telling lies!

Me: No she’s not.

Bassie: But when she says ‘the house is clean’, it makes me think that the whole house is clean, but it’s not.

Me: Bassie, that’s your inability to accept her qualified statement, not her logical inconsistency.

Bassie sighs.

Pause.

Dina: The house is clean, but not the kitchen.

Word to the wise, Bassie: watch your back.

kill bill vol.1= so very little quippy dialogue makes af happy! April 11, 2006

Thanks to a brother in film school, I was on the Tarantino bandwagon early, and I mean real early; “True Romance” early; “Resevoir Dogs” early. By the time Pulp Fiction came out, I was already over him. Yes, yes, Quentin, we know you can combine urban, gritty, violence with charmingly pedestrian and well-paced dialogue. Very nice, now could you please take your dog and pony show to another street corner?

So with a title like “Kill Bill”, you can imagine that I was expecting more of the same. But my brother (the other one) kept insisting I see it, so finally I did.

And I have to say, the only times when I almost had to get out my Tarantino barf bag were the argument between the two Japanese guys about sake, and the “Silly Rabbit…” interchange. Other than that, I was stunned by the beautiful (if seriously disturbing) cinematography. The whole thing really looked like a comic book. The lighting, the reflections off of the samurai swords, even the movements of the characters. Even the dialogue seemed just a touch over-dramatized: perfect for the genre and the world the film created.

This just in case anyone ever tries to paint me as stubborn and overly-judgemental. I admit it. I liked it. Not only that, but I aknowledge that it took real talent and artistry to produce. Did I just say that? Oh my God, PoMo really is dead, and Tarantino killed it.

happy 3rd birthday, dina! April 5, 2006

I am going to eat those cheeks for breakfast!