accidental feminist

can I get back to you on that? March 30, 2006

As we were getting back into the car from a fun-filled afternoon at the Museum of Science and Industry yesterday, I had the following conversation with Bassie:

Me: Are you so cute because you have half of my DNA? (context, people; we had just been looking at cloned mice and DNA strands in vials)

Bassie: I have all of your DNA.

Me: No, you have half Daddy’s.

Bassie: How?

Oh, shit!

Me: (smiling stupidly) because that’s how it works.

Bassie: But I grew inside of you.

Me: Yes, but Daddy gave you his DNA, too. That’s how it works. I give you half and Daddy gives you half.

Bassie: How did he give it to me if I was inside you?

Me: Uh, um, you know, that’s a great question, but it’s kind of complicated. I think I have to explain it to you later.

Pause

Bassie: How do the wheels turn the car?

Yosef: Now that’s a great question!

And then we had a super nerdy argument about whether a wheel’s primary attribute is its lack of friction or its exploitation of directional friction.

so much for trying to culture me March 28, 2006

My husband takes me on a surprise outing to the Art Institute for the morning, and the most interesting thing to me is this:

I followed her half way around the food court to get this shot, too. What I really should have done was go up to her, tell her I got the same scarf from the Hearthsong catalogue, and asked if she’d mind if her friend took our picture together. Hindsight…

But really, my favorite find of the day was a Picasso I had never seen before. It reminded me of how he supposedly would pay for meals by sketching on a napkin and signing his name. This one on corrugated cardboard must have been for the movers:

Sorry that the blur impedes your ability to see the “cut-out, pop-up” genitals. Hey, look, it’s art if you put it behind a glass case. In fact, Yosef and I were thinking of roping off a particularly muddy section of the “Modern Building” rennovation they’re doing outside and putting a plaque next to it. Seemed fitting. Or is that PoMo? Well, according to Douglas Rushkoff, PoMo is dead, which means, in practical terms, that all of us smart asses will soon be expected to quit making witty meta-banter and start producing something of real value unto itself. Whatever that means.

I was a bit dissappointed to find that Picasso’s “Mother and Child” had been moved (I do so love it that the only painting he ever made that actually depicts a woman in a nurturing and positive role was slashed to remove her from it).

It’s off to the Museum of Science and Industry tomorrow.

I *heart* Spring Break.

somebody just got a totally rad new digi-cam! March 27, 2006

Now you can get all of your “accidentalfeminist” coverage with semi-live, stop-motion technology. First we take you to Justin’s Rock Star Birthday party. Here’s Justin rocking the alley: Justin picked up a waitress, sort of, but then it ended up with her and me discussing bad pick up lines, and me trying to get her to have someone come over and use the “your papa must have been a thief” line on me. Suffice it to say, she failed. Of course, you know how these crazy parties go; at one point things got ugly when I threatened to thrust a broken beer bottle into the face of the next person who picked a Destiny’s Child video from the jukebox. But all in all, a great time. If you’ve never been to 10 Pin Bowling (oh, am I the only loser who hadn’t?) you should check it out. Video jukebox (No Beyonce, please!), two bars, and ladies in the bathroom who hand you towels and chat you up as you choose from the wide selection of candies strewn all over the counter. It felt like “The Shining” minus the psychopathic part.

Next, the two most imposing men under 5′7″ (hey, that one on the left is pretty cute; I wonder if he has a girlfriend):

And this is just a super cutie cute cute picture of Dina:

accidentalfeminist shoots first, asks questions second…

am I not seeing something? March 22, 2006

Okay. This is an issue that I have been turning over in my mind for some time now. I just don’t get what is attractive about breasts that are hoisted a good half a foot above their normal center of mass. That is not where nature put them! Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for support and sexiness, but the breast bone is not connected to the neck bone! Or maybe it is…whatever. You know what I mean!

And, BTW, since we’re on the topic, this is just ridiculous in so many ways!

However, after surveying a panel of who I consider to be relatively progressive men, I have discovered that they actually find “neck breasts” to be attractive, and I am shocked. Again, let me state for the record that this is not a result of my jealousy (especially in light of my recently reduced size), nor is it an attempt to desexualize women. I honestly just don’t understand the appeal.

Please, either come to my aid in this debate, or explain to me what the appeal is. And feel free to find more visual aids to explain your position.

me tv

Just in case you’re al wondering what I’ve been watching:

* Finished the third season of “24″. Can I overestimate Kiefer’s greatness? Or Jack’s? Or have they become one person in my mind? After twenty four hours on the job, Jack has kicked a heroine habit, shot a colleague in the head at the order of the President, watched his daughter almost die in a shootout, and chopped off the hand of his would-be son-in-law to get a titanium cuff filled with a vial of a deadly virus off it, and saved the world from a deadly epidemic. Finally, after all of it is over, he gets a nice, good, thirty second cry in his car before being called in to help some more. If he didn’t have a pathological martyr complex, I don’t know how he’d make it through such ordeals every few years.

Also saw the pilot for “Big Love”. Thought it would be silly, but it was actually really interesting. Once you get past your involuntary outbursts, like “Imagine how screwed up their kids are going to be when they find out that most people consider poligamy ‘cheating’!” and “Oh, yeah, like they’d all sit down to dinner like one big happy family!”, you start accepting their world and the interplay between the characters and their own inner lives is fascinating. Each wife has her own relationship with her faith and the Mormon community, and the one husband has to navigate between all of them.

I think about everything that Yosef and I have gone through together, and how it’s always been so important (and is in any marriage) that we come to a mutual understanding about issues; that, even if we see things slightly differently, we reach a place where understanding breeds intimacy. Imagine if you had to do that with three different people. I think that one of two things would happen: 1) you’d emotionally distance yourself enough from each of your wives such that you wouldn’t feel any conflict between their needs or points-of-view, or 2) you’d naturally bond more with the one who most closely shared your true thoughts and feelings, and alienate the other two, or simply relegate them to a sexual or economical role. That said, I’m really interested to see how the relationships play out throughout the show.

What are you watching, and why do you think we should, too?

milestone March 19, 2006

Yesterday marks the first time I heard the phrase “If Mommy doesn’t (fill in demand), I’ll never be nice to her again.” Bassie’s been threatening for a long time, but they’ve always been reflexive (”I’ll never eat again”, “I’ll never be happy again”) until now.

Images of myself as a child, pulling the exact same shizzle, are rearing their ugly heads, much like the snakey hairs of a Medusa. But whereas my mother would just cry when I was cruel, I can already see that I will become stoic and vindictive.

Must…resist…power…struggle.

I give this test to all my girlfriends… March 17, 2006

If you score higher than 28, I salute you.

http://intelligence-test.net/part1/

my faith in humanity takes another blow

Two things happened to me yesterday. First, I was at a play, where a young girl (probably about 15) was dressed, well, like a typical young girl. However, this girl was particularly well endowed. As she talked with a group of 15-16 year old boys at intermission, I thought to myself, “I know what they’re thinking about.” Then I got upset with myself. I was prejudging them. Maybe they saw beyond her physical attractiveness and were really interested in her as a person. Fie fie, for shame, Rachel. Judge not, lest ye be judged.
Then, as she walked away, I kept my eyes on the group of boys. They were laughing at something. Steady, Rachel, they’re probably just talking about a recent South Park episode. Then the boy on the end looked up at the girl (who was now about 10 yards away and engaged in a new conversation), and did the universal sign for “well endowed girl” on his chest. The other boys cracked up, and the boy continuted with variations of his motion until the house lights went down.

Coupled with this dissappointing episode, I happened to get my hands on my first issue of “Maxim” yesterday. Now, cynical as I am, I, for some reason, had believed the hype that this magazine was a more self-mocking, more ironically humorous version of your standard girlie magazine, with less revealing pictures. Yes, the women were mostly clothed, but I don’t know who’s calling that poor excuse for writing “humor.” Pathetic formulas such as “combine a dirty joke with a cleverly quirky contrasting statement” littered the pages of this piece of journalistic trash. “Usually the only dancing we like involves a pole or Patrick Swayze…” Oh, how clever. And they even throw in a “retro” angle for fun! Blah blah blah. It’s as if this were written by a kid who thought he was hilarious when he was a Junior in high school, and no one ever told him differently, so he just keep on doing it.

Yosef reminded me that I am spoiled bythe journalistic and stylistic excellence of my favorite magazine, “WIRED”. He’s right. The contrast in writing style and tone is just overwhelming. And then I remember that most men out there don’t even know what “WIRED” is, but can’t wait until Jesscia Alba’s on the cover of “Maxim” again.

commodification of sex+mediocre writing, 1; Rachel, 0.

as promised March 15, 2006

Home for Purim March 13, 2006

I heard about this one on NPR. It’s in the grand tradition of “This is Spinal Tap”, “Waiting for Guffman”, and “Best in Show.” Here’s a sneak peek, in honor of the holiday.

And for the record, I like it when people talk about Spinal Tap like it’s a real band. It happens more than you think. Or maybe it just happens when I’m around.