I am doing something wrong… December 20, 2005
A recalibration is necessary, I am not attracting the kind of woman that is worth being in a relationship with.
The whole point of this experience was to gain a confidence to meet women that would normally have been inaccessible. Unfortunately, 80% of these women are crazy deceptive.
To me this means I am doing something wrong.
A recalibration is necessary, I am not attracting the kind of woman that is worth being in a relationship with.
The whole point of this experience was to gain a confidence to meet women that would normally have been inaccessible. Unfortunately, 80% of these women are crazy deceptive.
To me this means I am doing something wrong.
Example. So “Mary” from December 4 - we had a really nice two week relationship.
Then she flakes on plans on Saturday. That should have been warning sign one. We made alt. plans for tomorrow (Wed) night. I called to confirm yesterday. She calls back today.
And she said she was getting back with her ex-boyfriend.
I said, “cool.”
She gave me the LBF (let’s be friends) line.
I gave her my pre-planned rejection of LBF with a month time constraint.
So I asked when did this happen. She said Sunday. Then let it drop a few lines later that they had been trying to work it out. Are you fucking kidding? That’s deceptive. And that really cheapens (for me) the quality of our time together.
Why am I attracting unavailable women. Women who have boyfriends, are trying reconcile with their boyfriends or are married.
There’s a great opener: Who lies more, men or women?
The answer is women. Or at least to me.
- EATS
oh come on…
i understand that becoming a PUA (more precisely a mPUA) can make you lose respect and trust for women but you must not generalize. if you lose trust thinking that all women lie you’ll never find a nice woman to stick with. well i don’t know of many PUAs who actually ever settle down and like in Sweater’s case shows that being a PUA doesn’t help you settle down and can actually hurt you….anyways being that you’re more knowledgable in all this pick-up stuff i’d like to ask you a general question-
what are your thoughts on oneitis.
i see how concentration on one person can make you lose them but do you think it can actually be a positive step in a PUA’s understanding of the difference between a LTGF and a real relationship? just wanted an expert opinion
-spike
Spike,
I don’t think I’m generalizing that “all” women are deceptive. But the women I am attracting are keeping something from me - i.e. their significant others, etc…
In my PUA experience I find myself much more honest with women than they are with me.
Instead of saying “women will always lie to me,” I’m working to recalibrate my approach to avoid being the: rebound guy, warm-shoulder-to-protect-me, or the interim guy to make her feel good about herself.
That’s what her friends are for. I am not her friend, I am her romantic partner. And although one can sometimes satisfy conditions of the other, they are separate concepts.
Now, to answer your question, let me open with a personal statement: I think a monogamous relationship is the goal.
You reference LTGF (long term girl friend, perhaps part of an MLTR [multiple long term relationship]?) versus real relationship - and how one-itis can affect it.
One-itis is pedestal raising. And unless you are mirroring each other in intensity (throughout), one of you is going to get bored first.
The pro for dating - especially when you have one-itis - is that it allows you to remove the fear of losing that person. Fear of loss is dangerous because it can become 1) all-consuming and 2) numbing, when avoiding that person to try and not smother them.
I remember a long-term relationship from about 6 years ago. I knew she was cheating on me and my fear of loss jumped to nuclear levels. At first I smothered. Then backed off. And in the backing off period I was numb, litterally, lying in bed most of the day trying to make sense of it all.
That’s one-itis - it’s terrible and crippling.
The best thing you can do for a relationship that you want to maintain is 1) generate new, positive experiences; 2) make sure that you are both doing your part to make the other feel wonderful and 3) make sure that you are both giving the gift of missing each other
Once you have established all 3 on a consistent level, then stick with her.
Until then, work to line up your tumblers with the wonderful people you find.
Did that answer your question?
- EATS