accidental feminist

the wedding crashers=yeah, it’s really that funny July 27, 2005

I had heard so many good things about how funny this movie was, I was sure I’d be disappointed. But it really was laugh-out-loud, cover-your-mouth, spit-out-your-soda funny. That said, the script was pretty mediocre, and even the premise wasn’t great, but the chemistry and personality made up for any shortcomings. I even found my usual cynical self just sitting back and enjoying/squwirming in my seat. I’d love to know how many of Vince Vaughn’s lines were improvised (and now that I think about it, I would love to see him and Christopher Walken do their own buddy flick with no script).

Owen Wilson is completely uncharming to me. I know he ellicites pretty polar reactions in people, and mine was, “Why would anyone leave Will Tippin for him?”

And just a thought: If this movie were exactly the same with female protagonists it would be a flop. A couple of unmarried thirtysomething women going to strangers’ weddings to pick up strange men? Now that’s just trashy.

a lesson before dying=instant classic/high school curriculum material July 26, 2005

Much like the movie “Hero”, this book is about a guy who goes to college (or calligraphy school), and becomes an agnostic liberal. Of course, that’s where the tenuous similarities end, as the hero ends up sacrificing his life for the peace of China, while the teacher in the book brings a radio and a journal to a death row inmate to teach him to be a man.

To be honest, I was hoping for more of an “aha” moment; some sort of revelation coupled with a 1-2 page didactic monologue a la Ayn Rand. I respect Gaines for resisting the temptation. In fact, the few didactic monologues came from the teacher himself, which made them relatively believable

I highly recommend this book to all of you high school Sophmores out there.

Plus, it’s an Oprah’s Book Club selection. Man, that woman can read.

lives of quiet desparation

I’m waiting in line at Target and the guy in front of me is buying this hand-held poker video game. So the cashier says a small talky “Gonna play some poker?” and the elderly man says, “Yeah, when you’re watching tv and you’re waiting for something good to come on…” Yeah, uh-huh. That’s so sad, I think to myself. But apparently the cashier doesn’t share my sentiments, because after the guy leaves she says to me, “That’s such a good idea. So many times you’re waiting for a good show to come on and you have to sit through a half hour of a bad one first.” So I made painful small talk about the benifits of tivo with her, and left Target feeling a mix of disgust and pity.

I know, this may all sound a bit snobbish. And who says that playing poker in between tv shows is worse than blogging in between online shopping at gap and jcrew? Oh, man, I’m starting to feel a mix of disgust and pity with myself.

abercrombie=look honey, no hands! July 24, 2005

I’ve had this theory for some time about the length of the sleeves on Abercrombie and Fitch women’s clothing, particularly in light of the fact that it’s common knowledge that abercrombie clothes are made to make you look appealing to the opposite sex (look, even their children’s line advocates playful co-ed romping).

So here’s my theory: hands are symbols (as well as literal representations) of agency. In fact, the human hand is something that distinguishes it from other animals. We create art, write, build, all with our hands.

Is there something inherently attractive to men about a woman who has had this power taken from her (or better yet, who chooses the “impotence” for herself)? Does it make her seem vulnerable? Like she needs a man to perform these “creative” tasks for her? She’s a sexy vixen with an attitude, but, at the end of the day, she can’t fight back.

Call me a skeptic, a cynic, but I just don’t see how this sort of trend is any less dependent on our desire to be objects of beauty than a corset. Not that a woman can’t choose to look beautiful or attractive, but to play into certain negative stereotypes, or male desires that place a woman in a subservient position, doesn’t seem “progressive” to me.

Now I know why my grandfather would always complain when I pulled my sleeves over my hands. Of course, I was usually wearing an XL hoodie and a pair of my brother’s old jeans. Rawr!

Choose your weapon July 23, 2005

When I first started knitting, I used metal needles by Susan Bates. I bought them around the time that an American icon, Woolworth’s, was going out of business. Everything in the “crafts” section of the Hyde Park store was on sale, including the acrylic yarn, horrible 80’s sweater patterns and useless how-to books. I just wanted to try it out. I remember casting on a few stitches only to have them immediately fall off my needle due to my clumsiness and confusion. But metal needles are durable, and they stayed with me until the year 2003, when I started to take a more serious interest in my knitting career. In early 2003, I bought my first pair of bamboo needles, and it was the best $10 I ever spent. They were Crystal Palace size 7 double pointed needles, and the stitches seemed to stay on the needle better. I felt more in control of my projects. They were lighter and more flexible. They were also MUCH more pleasant to look at.
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looks like today’s going to be hot and sultry July 22, 2005

Hey, the Weather Channel may serve a practical purpose, but it is cable.

I don’t know. Call me sexist or backward, but I don’t quite see why the Weather Channel (or Abercrombie and Fitch) shouldn’t be allowed to hire good looking people to promote their product. I mean, if you can’t fit into those clothes, you shouldn’t be there. And I know, because a few months ago my husband and I went there to buy a jean jacket, and I was like, “Do you have this in extra large?”, and the little waif looked at me and smiled a sad little smile. “I don’t think so” is what she said, but “Why don’t you try JCrew?” is what she thought.

Still they are private companies, and it may very well be that a thin body or a pretty face are necessary for optimal performance at the job.

Did you know that you can’t discriminate against a speech pathologist who has a lisp? “Now lithen and repeat after me: Thith ith a thithle.”

What was I saying? Oh, yeah, Weather Channel babes…

Now that you mention it… July 21, 2005

So I went back to Elizabeth Arden (the good one, not the “mullet” one) to get my hair dyed blue for free at the coloring class. It’s actually more subtle than it sounds, although it did give Bassie the idea that she’d like to have green hair someday. Kids!

Anyway, I was instructing the colorist to watch out for a rather pesky mole on my forehead, which then led me to tell her a mole-related story (nothing like awkward salon conversations- one reason I rarely see the same stylist twice! Fear of having to fake a more meaningful relationship trumps a good haircut). In the story, I consulted a a rather effeminate demitologist regarding the mole above my lip. He resonded by leaning toward me and saying: “You know what I would do with that if I were you? I’d just leave it how it is, then if I’m going out to a party of something, just put a little makeup around it for accent. Women would pay to have one of those!”

My colorist then takes this as the perfect segue to start telling me how funny Charles is! You know Charles; the gay African American hair dresser with a thing for Nicole Kidman.

It was as if I had said “Do you know any funny stories about flambouyant men, cause I’m plum out!”

Speaking of…

Dove update

Well, it looks like the people at Dove are certainly getting attention from local media outlets. (Thanks for the heads up, Yosef). Here’s some of my own results of a very scientific survey of my friends and family:

“This is exactly what they wanted. We’re talking about it, right?”
“This is kind of like how no one liked Bridget Jones 2 because Renee Zellweger was too heavy to be likeable anymore. No one wants to see a movie where two ugly people make out.”
“I’d rather see a hot supermodel on a billboard than someone who looks like me.”

Although Bill Zwecker’s suggestion that these women are somehow “out of shape” is a bit ignorant. Has he taken a good look at them? They’re not models, but, in my opinion, they all seem to be pretty healthy for their body types. Not everyone is born 5′8″ with small bone structure, a high metabolism, and large breasts. Hey, Bill, I notice you don’t include your weight in those stats, or your advancing age. Frankly, I’d rather have Johnny Depp doin’ the news (and I think I wouldn’t be the only one who might actually watch your show if that were the case), but I don’t send you hate mail.

“amen” to that! July 19, 2005

Today I took my brother to Marshall Fields to add some items to his wedding registry. As we were leaving, we stopped at my favorite counter, “Philosophy”. Where else can you get cafe au lait shampoo and body wash in one? Whatever, I don’t care where else you can get it, that’s not the point.

Anyway, the point is, I really liked this perfume called “amen.” So I impetuously bought it, then five minutes later had buyer’s remorse and made my brother watch my kids while I returned it. When I did, I gave some lame excuse about it being too strong for me. A different woman (not the one who sold it to me) took back the bottle. “Well, it is a man’s scent,” the woman said, eyeing me suspiciously. “Would you like to try a different (read “female”) scent?” Um, no. I liked this one. Does that make you uncomfortable? I thought. Of course, I also wondered what the first woman was thinking when she smiled and handed me the bag.

Reminds me of the lady at the Rockefeller Center JCrew who distracted my husband by telling him how special I was and how lucky he was to have married me, while she sold me boots that were a half a size too small and had “extended” calves. After a miserable day traipsing around Manhattan in them, I returned them upstairs in the men’s department to avoid seeing her.

Moral: salespeople are like sharks feeding alternately on the vanity and shame of their victims.

The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants= Haven’t Resented Crying So Much Since “My Girl” July 18, 2005

As Georgie said, maybe it was cathartic. No, on second thought, it was just manipulative. One girl befriends a twelve year old with leukemia, another finally confronts the pain of her mother’s suicide, a third finds her inner beauty with the help of a hunk with a can’t-quite-place-my-finger-on-it unattractiveness, and, for the occular dehydration zinger, the narrator is reunited with her estranged father at his second wedding.

Still, I haven’t seen a Penny Marshall movie for a while, so I was a bit low on my “inspiring stories of strong women overcoming adversity” meter. This did the trick for a good five years.

Also, thanks to Jazmin for pointing out the offensively peppy yet outdated soundtrack (is that “Who Let the Dogs Out?” I hear?)

Rachel’s rating= **1/2